Roosevelt (October 2002 | Volume: 53, Issue: 5)

Roosevelt

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Authors: Ellen Feldman

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October 2002 | Volume 53, Issue 5


Overrated She said that calling Warren Harding “second rate” was “one of the biggest compliments anyone can pay him,” that Calvin Coolidge seemed to have been “weaned on a pickle,” and that Thomas E. Dewey looked like the “bridegroom on a wedding cake.” Alice Roosevelt Longworth, Theodore Roosevelt’s irrepressible eldest daughter, wielded a wicked wit. She also suffered from an insatiable lust for the limelight, a tiresome propensity for lifelong grudges, and an arrested development.

True, her childhood was grim. Her mother died two days after she was born, and her father sometimes forgot to include her when speaking of the family of five children he had with his second wife. But Alice went on making trouble well into her nineties, long after the statute of limitations had run out.

When she became a White House bride, her shameless trolling for loot from foreign governments and domestic powers was, said the longtime White House usher Ike Hoover, enough to make a man an anarchist. She wheedled money out of her maternal grandparents while scoffing at their bourgeois behavior, and she loved skewering hosts under their own roofs. Though she possessed considerable political acumen, it too often took a back seat to an infantile need to shock. She kept photographs of Fidel Castro and Joseph McCarthy side by side on her piano and a picture of Stalin on the wall. In 1912, when her husband, Nicholas Longworth, refused to bolt the Republican party in her father’s footsteps, she appeared at a Bull Moose rally on Longworth’s home turf and subsequently took gleeful credit for his narrow electoral defeat. Her spitefulness was staggering. After the death of her alcoholic, womanizing, but musically gifted husband, she burned not only most of his papers but, even though she was sorely in need of money, his Stradivarius.

The two people Alice Roosevelt most loved to hate were her cousins Franklin and Eleanor. She called the young FDR Feather Duster, said he was the kind of boy you invited to the dance but not the dinner, and later referred to him as “ninety percent mush and ten percent Eleanor.” She encouraged the burgeoning love affair between FDR and Lucy Mercer by inviting them to dinner together, hinted darkly to Eleanor about things that ER said she did not wish to know, and wisecracked publicly that Franklin deserved a good time, he was married to Eleanor.

As her political fortunes declined, her envy became venomous. During the Depression she compared her father’s triumph over childhood infirmities through self-reliance with Cousin Franklin’s desire to cripple the country in his image. In 1940 she announced she’d rather vote for Hitler than FDR. Late in life she recanted some of her stories and masqueraded as a grande dame, but she was merely an aging vindictive enfant terrible , still doing the stale imitation of Cousin Eleanor, who’d