That much of the world’s air is in the wrong place cannot but he plain to an “old sea dog,” who has plied Neptuma’s lar vast empty reaches and found there nought but idle air; surplus ozone; becalmed breeze, and layabout zephyr.

It is useless air, required never to so much as turn a Kansas wind mill, nor dry a line ot Pennsylvania wash, nor cool a hot pan of fresh Missouri corn bread.

“Give It Over, Portugee!”

Reader, foreign climes are empty climes, where air malingers merely. And would the Portugee, the Hindoo, the Hottentot, over whose supine suzerains hovers the mass ot this ether redundant, have a plan for stirring it to useful life?

Only when such “Lesser breeds without the Law” have taught themselves Lnghsh, would we know and “scotch such plans.

While at the same instant, or very near to it, busy America gasps for all the air that is currently elsewhere!

A Horrible Suffocation Is Foreseen In Ohio

The divine preaching his Sunday sermon gasps for breath; and draws none; for the air cannot come over the seas to the church in Ohio, where it is needed, when Kat-Alan-Doo has it.

See the Son umcycling Homeward to Mother at Twilight after Vespers, but he flags at the penultimate furlong; for inhale he cannot the sustaining dollop of oxygenic elixir that is not there, but somewhere in the Alalay Strait.

And away up north of some altitudinal Alaskan nowhere, the air is thin whilst yon outdoorsist clambers peakward up the mountain, and hrst one young lung explodes, and then its twin. While in the mean-time, the air over Bessarabia is a gaseous molasses, thick.

His New Plan Will Make it Right

Will the American outdoorsist be ever denied his fair influx of the Life-Giving Invisible Gas Divine?

How to set the awful injustice aright?

A good plan has been forwarded. It is perfect. It comes from Professor Wimby of the great University at Walla Walla. It is modeled alter the Commerce Secretary’s idea of enforced assets stockpiling in the Bank of the Philippines.

See! The Giant Biscuit Tins!

All the air now idly rusticating in foreign latitudes is to be confiscated by means of mighty hydraulic scoopers, ten times larger than the dredges at Panama, and transferred overseas to the Ports at Philadelphia and San Francisco in giant biscuit tins, each as tall as the State Capital at Des Moines when stood on end, to be then deposited on account in Brobdingnagian coffers , or vaults .

Place these in the Grand Canyon, or on the Choktaw lands.

When new funds of air are needed, say, m Washington D.C.